Who Am I. or My Pastoral Identity

My Call

I first experienced a call to ministry the year I went through a class with our pastor much like confirmation (although we didn't call it that). At the end of our six-week study of the basic doctrine and history of the Christian faith in general and the Cumberland Presbyterian Church in particular we were offered an opportunity to make a public profession of faith and become full members of the church. A few months later that year at summer camp I felt the first twinge of the call to ministry. I was 12 years old. Twelve years later I began the journey toward ordination in the United Methodist Church that has brought to the point where I am today. I am a probationary member (Elder) of the West Ohio Conference of the United Methodist Church working full-time as Associate Pastor at Belmont United Methodist Church in Dayton , and I am a fully endorsed chaplain serving in Army National Guard. The first experience of the call as mentioned above was an almost audible voice telling me I was to preach.

After some time ignoring the call to ministry (and the call to Christian living for that matter), I turned my heart back toward the Lord, the faith and eventually the call. The next experience of call occurred after I auditioned for entrance into the Theatre program at Southern Methodist University. I nailed that audition, but through the interview afterward the Dean of the Theatre felt I wasn't suited for the program, but suggested I go visit Perkins School of Theology there on campus. I went home that evening feeling sorry for myself, but I decided to pray and the presence of God and the assurance of God's call for my life were powerful. I dropped to my knees next to my bed and surrendered my life to the call. I felt a freedom and release like nothing before or since. It felt almost like a physical weight was lifted from my shoulders. I knew my life would never be the same.

I have many heroes of faith and ministry. I look up to the two men who pastored St. Luke Cumberland Presbyterian Church when I was growing up. Pastor Loyce Estes was a giant; well at least to a child...Actually he was a large-framed man of over 6' with a huge booming voice that resonated from deep within his barrel chest. He had a shiny bald head, a grin that seemed to go on past his face, and hands big enough to palm a beach ball. He was a surrogate grandpa for me since my grandparents were in Ohio and I was in Texas.

Next was Pastor Larry Blakeburn. He was about 5'9" with a full head of hair and mustache. Pastor Larry is one of the greatest preachers I have ever heard to this day. He is also a gifted healer of congregations. Since he left St. Luke in 1990 he nursed several CP churches back to health after some very serious splits.

Another important hero of the faith was my dad. My dad fostered in me a desire to know and be known by the Word of God. Dad taught me that I should never let someone tell me what is true about faith, but to be like the Bereans and search the Scriptures to verify what was said to be true. Dad also modeled generosity. He opened our home to people in need that he came across. He even gave away a car without expecting anything in return to a friend who was going through a very difficult time.

Another hero of mine is John Wesley. He is a major influence in my life. When I first learned of Wesley after a visiting a United Methodist church for several weeks, I realized I had found someone who made sense to me like no other preacher ever had. The appeal of Wesley for me was insistence on a holistic approach to faith. Wesley asserted that there is no holiness without social holiness. Wesley affirmed that the Scriptures are the foundation of Christian faith and practice, and through the Scriptures; tradition, reason and experience help inform our becoming the people God is calling us to be. My heroes are people who live the faith. People who embody what St. Francis meant when he said something like go everywhere and preach the Gospel, and if you have to, use words.

My Image

I know the word pastor is synonymous with shepherd, and the image has some value, but I agree with Tex Sample who I once heard say that there is only one Shepherd. Tex goes on to say that instead he prefers to think of himself as one of the Good Shepherd's sheep dogs. I like that image. The idea that all the care and direction ultimately comes from the shepherd, but the sheep dogs do play an important role. Sheep dogs are trained by the Shepherd to keep the sheep heading in the right direction. They also warn the sheep of oncoming predators and will do their best to ward off predators until the shepherd can come and intervene. Sheep dogs love the Shepherd and the Shepherd loves them. Sheep dogs know how to have fun when the work day is done. I like being a sheep dog for the Good Shepherd. I know that the only way I can perform my duties is to stay close to my Master, listen to His voice and love the sheep as much as He does.

Another image that comes to mind is that of the moon. The moon gives us light by reflecting the light of the sun. A full moon has nothing blocking the light making it easier for us to see at night. A new moon gives almost no light because the earth is blocking most of the light of the sun, and in times of lunar eclipse the moon blocks the light of the sun instead of reflecting it. The same is true of pastors. When I am fully present to the presence of God, then I reflect the glory of God to all around me. Sometimes I let the world get in the way and, like a new moon; I don't "shine" very bright. Finally, there are those unfortunate times when pastors by commission or omission actually block people's view of the Son.In relation to pastoral care in particular both of the above images are helpful. The image of the moon reminds me that reflective listening is one of the pastoral counselor’s greatest assets. Sometimes reflecting is the most important thing I do. Through my representative role as pastor I reflect Christ and the Church to my care receiver. Through active listening and caring I reflect a truer image of my care receiver back to herself or himself. Furthermore, the sheep dog reminds me that my role is pastoral. At times I think it is appropriate to gently nudge someone back toward "the flock," and sometimes I am called to warn them of and protect them from danger.